What does it mean to be old?

Well, it depends on several things—gender, health, looks, physical and mental strength, economic status, relationships, turn of mind, and the society in which you live. The experience of being an older person isn’t the same for everyone, but I think that two things on the list determine whether it’s positive or negative. One is your turn of mind, by which I mean how you judge yourself, and the other is how your society judges you.

For example, from what I understand, the attitude toward older people in Japanese society is deep respect. Apparently, old people in Japan are valued for the wisdom they’ve garnered from a long life, and young people look up to them. Japanese people have one of the longest life spans on the planet, and some scholars attribute this partly to the status that older people enjoy and the self-respect arising from it.

Wouldn’t you love to spend some time with these people? I would.

In America, however, it’s different. Youth is everything here, and, as adults get older, they’re regarded as increasingly unimportant and unattractive in direct proportion to the number of birthdays they’ve had.  This notion is supported by the overt and subliminal messages in TV shows, movies, magazines, and the ads that finance them. They suggest to us that the only way to maintain relevance in our current society is to buy all the makeup, products, supplements, surgery, and clothes we can afford to disguise the fact that our youth is slipping away. And what would we be without our youth and looks? Below are head shots of two attractive women and two attractive men. The men are applying for the same job. The women are applying for another job. Which man and which woman is most likely to be hired?  

“You look so young” has become the ultimate compliment for older women. “You’re in great shape for your age” is what older males like to hear. In my view, valuing youth and looks over age and experience signifies a shallow culture that promotes unconscious anxiety in its citizens while making millions for the anti-aging industry. It’s ironic, therefore, that, when interviewed, most older Americans say that despite any infirmities or other negatives they may put up with, they’d never want to be young again. Some studies suggest that the happiest time of life is in one’s 70s and 80s. The people who feel that way understand that real worth involves experience, character, and how we treat others, not how gorgeous we look when we do something worthwhile. But, in general, I think that the happiness many older people feel comes from a newfound invisibility that frees them from the shackles of a society that has valued them mainly for their youth and looks. The society has lost interest in them, which makes them now free to be what they want to be and look any way they want to look.  

What is your take on this?

Julie Winslett  August 2025